


»»————-　ｈｅａｔｈｅｒ　————-««

by demonic_smol



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27134882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonic_smol/pseuds/demonic_smol
Summary: Sen and J are best friends. They've been together for years, but as J develops feelings towards Sen, he realizes that Sen doesn't feel the same way, but is instead attracted to a girl named Heather.Based on the song Heather by Conan Grey(bet you couldn't tell sdlkfjsdfl)





	»»————-　ｈｅａｔｈｅｒ　————-««

**I still remember third of December**

**Me in your sweater, you said it looked better**

**On me, than it did you, only if you knew**

**How much I liked you, but I watch your eyes**

Two students sat in a school courtyard, surrounded by bare sakura trees. The yard was dimly lit by a few dim lights, revealing the two students’ appearances. One was a living skeleton, his eye sockets closed as he grinned, two cracks running in opposite directions on his face stemming from his eyes heading up and down. The other looked human, though his eyes were completely white and gave off a bright glow, same as the two small glowing-white horns poking out of his uncombed black hair. His nose was pink from the cold snow falling from the sky, winter far from over. The glowing-eyed boy wore a heather-colored sweater that was obviously too big for him; it must’ve belonged to the skeleton, who wore only a white t-shirt, unable to feel the cold.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” the human-like one said, turning his glowing eyes up to the sky, smiling up at the pale moon’s face. “It’s so pretty tonight… and…”

He trailed off, his heart beating faster in his chest. He wanted to cut himself open, pour out his feelings… but he couldn’t do that, not yet. He had to wait; he needed to be absolutely sure that the skeleton sitting next to him shared his feelings. He wasn’t sure if he could handle getting rejected by him.

“Yeah, she’s pretty, isn’t she?” the skeleton said, clearly distracted. The boy with the glowing eyes, looked over at him, following his glowing gaze to a girl standing at the other side of the courtyard, laughing with a friend. Both were still in their school uniforms; skirts, button-down shirts and an overcoat. The girl’s hair was long and black, bangs covering most of her face, the rest of her hair reaching down to her waist, the other’s head shaved. “Hey, we should go talk to Heather; see if she wants to go grab something to eat with us,” the skeleton said, not even looking over at his companion to see the look of hurt on his face.

_ I should have known…  _ the human-like one thought, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his face into them.  _ No one could ever actually love me. _

**As she walks by**

**What a sight for sore eyes**

**Brighter than the blue sky**

**She's got you mesmerized**

**While I die**

The girls turned their heads, seeming to have realized that the two were looking at them. Heather, the girl with long black hair that went down past her waist, waved good-bye to her friend and began to walk over. With every step she took, the bitterness and hurt inside of the glowing-eyed boy’s chest swelled until he thought he was going to burst, a sad frown appearing on his face. “I have to go,” he mumbled, tugging the skeleton’s sweater over his head and setting it on the bench, walking away. “Thanks for letting me hang out with you,” he said, his voice echoing through the night as he reached up, pulling on his hair. Every time Sen looked at Heather he felt like he was dying, and the skeleton was painfully oblivious to it.

What hurt even more was that Sen didn’t even say anything as J left, his eyes focused on the girl that he didn’t even know very well.

**Why would you ever kiss me?**

**I'm not even half as pretty**

**You gave her your sweater**

Sen and J, as before, were sitting on the bench in the courtyard at night, snow falling quickly from the cloudy, dark sky. There was a tension between them; J sat as far from Sen as possible, more preoccupied with his worn-down novel, falling apart at the spine with pages yellowing from age, than the skeleton trying to make conversation with him.

“You aren’t mad that I gave Heather my sweater, are you?” Sen finally said, turning his head to look at J, who wrinkled his nose and turned his back on Sen in retaliation.

“Of course not, I’m just mad that you’re wasting your time chasing her when there’s someone that likes you already,” J said, talking as if he were speaking of a friend instead of himself. He had to; he was a coward, and well aware of it. He didn’t want to show Sen how he felt yet. “You’re stupidly oblivious to it; you know that, right?” He shut the book, staring down at the faded cover, wishing he could have as much courage as the protagonist.

Sen gently elbowed J, laughing as he raised the barely distinguishable area above his eyes that served as eyebrows. “What do you mean, someone else likes me? Who is it?” he said, putting his hand on J’s shoulder. “C’mon, I”m your best friend, you gotta tell me.”

J turned his head, shadows from his hair covering his now-closed eyes. “You remember last December, when we were hiding under the bleachers?” He hoped that he would be able to successfully shift the subject; he didn’t want to lie to Sen more than he had to.

“Yeah, it was so cold you almost got frostbite,” Sen said, chuckling slightly at the memory. “I had to hold you for so long… I thought you were going to freeze to death, actually. You turned a weird shade of blue after a while.” the skeleton scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, like it was somehow his fault that he couldn’t produce heat.

That year, the school had been attacked by a group of people that abused their special abilities. The school had been somewhat evacuated, but J and Sen were trapped inside during the attack for a while, hiding under the bleachers in hopes that no one would find them. Of course, it began to snow so hard that no one could see anything through it all; J wasn’t wearing a heavy coat, just a hoodie, so he quickly got cold. He was lucky to have just gotten the common cold instead of getting hypothermia and dying.

“You remember how you said that if I wasn’t your best friend that you’d kiss me?” J said, grabbing some of his hair and pulling at it, his bottom lip trembling. This wasn’t going in the direction that he wanted; he was being too confident, too forward about this. Sen was going to figure out everything and nothing would ever be the same; Sen might even hate J for the way he felt. He pulled harder on his hair; that couldn’t happen. He didn’t have any other friends, he couldn’t afford to loose Sen’s friendship.

“I remember, yeah,” Sen said, his skull turning slightly blue. His permanent smile widened a little, and he averted his eyes, laughing a little. His laughter sounded strange; like bones rattling, but J could listen to it forever. “Why?”

“Why would you even consider kissing me?” He whimpered, tears pouring down his face. “I’m not half as pretty as Heather, I cry when I come across things I don’t understand, I’m so stupid it’s hilarious,” he rambled, pulling his hair so hard that he thought it was going to come out. “I’m so dumb, why would you ever care about me even a little? Why do you care about me at all?”

Sen reached up, grabbing J’s small hands in his own. “Stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” he said, scrunching his eyebrow area together. “Sure, Heather looks physically better than you, but that doesn’t mean that she has a prettier inside,” he said, a look of relief appearing on his face when J let go of his hair, though he was still crying. Sen pulled him into a hug, closing his eyes with a sigh as J’s curly hair brushed his bony cheek. “You’re not stupid, and I care about you because you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. It doesn’t bother me that you cry, it’s just part of who you are.”

J wrapped his arms around Sen, burying his face in the skeleton’s black-and-white striped sweater as he cried harder, his shoulders shaking. He didn’t know why he was crying; he should be happy that Sen didn’t think he was dumb, but instead all he could think about was how much Sen must pity him to lie to him. Sen couldn’t actually want to be his friend; someone was probably forcing him to do it, to be nice to J.

But as his tears slowly ceased and his mind calmed down, the knot in his stomach easing, he realized that he was being dumb. Sen didn’t hate him; no one would be paid to be someone's friend, and besides, there wasn’t any family of J’s to pay Sen anyway. He was dumb to think that; he was dumb to doubt Sen.

**It's just polyester**

**But you like her better**

**Wish I were Heather**

“You like her better, though,” J whispered into Sen’s sweater as the night began to come to an end. He would just have to be content with Sen’s friendship until he got over Heather.

**Watch as she stands with her holding your hand**

**Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder**

It was a cold night, just like the nights before when J and Sen were sitting together on the courtyard bench. This time, though, J and Sen weren’t together. J was sitting alone on a bench, staring at a blank page in his sketchbook, pencil in hand as he sighed. He couldn’t do anything. He didn’t know what he should do. Not to draw on paper, no; he didn’t know what to do about the fact that Sen and Heather were dating now. It hurt; it hurt to know that Sen didn’t love him, but he was also happy for him. J was glad that he’d found someone that he wanted to spend time with, though it made him worry as well.

What if Sen stopped thinking about J? What if he decided that J wasn’t good enough for him, and stopped talking to him? It would be worse than romantic rejection; he’d be thrown away like a toy that someone lost interest in.

He looked up, biting his bottom lip as he saw Sen and Heather together, hands intertwined. Sen was laughing, putting his arm around Heather’s shoulder as he bumped his teeth against the side of her head, in his version of a kiss. Heather blushed, hugging Sen with a smile, laughing happily.

J looked back down at his sketchbook, squeezing his eyes shut as tears ran down his face. He was being a crybaby again. This was why he didn’t have any friends; this is why no one liked him.

.

**But how could I hate her? She's such an angel**

**But then again, kinda wish she were dead**

**As she walks by**

J hugged his knees to his chest, sitting on the bench beside Sen. There was an awkwardness between them now; an awkwardness directly caused by Sen being clueless, and J refusing to talk about what was bothering him. J wanted to hate Heather and Sen; he wanted to hate them so much, but he just couldn’t. Sen was his best friend, even though they felt like strangers to each other now. There was no sharing sweaters, no hugging. He hated it; he hated it so much that he wanted to hit his head against the wall, but that wouldn’t accomplish anything. He was a coward; he knew that better than anyone else. He squeezed his glowing eyes shut, tears welling at the edges of his eyes. He wanted things to go back to normal, but he didn’t know how without pouring his heart out to Sen. He didn’t want to; he wanted to avoid every possible interaction that would cause him to confess.

Still, Sen had let him cry on his shoulder for as long as they’d been friends; he’d made J go out into the sun and recharge himself when he wanted to just dissipate. He’d been so good to him for so long, being his friend when J thought no one could ever love him… and yet J couldn’t bring himself to confess his feelings. He was being selfish and dumb; he knew that, of course, but… he couldn’t stop. Thoughts of how stupid and cowardly he was, knowingly hurting his friend swirled in his head until he thought he’d burst.

His thoughts of self-hatred were broken when Heather suddenly walked by, giggling and sitting down in Sen’s lap and giving him a kiss on his forehead. “Hi hon!”

Sen smiled, blushing as he leaned his head backwards, huffing like he was annoyed by the affectionate act. “You gotta do that every time you see me, huh?”

“Yep!” she said, smiling and standing up, brushing off her skirt. “You should be worried if I don’t,” she joked, bumping him with her elbow. “Anyways, I gotta run; the dorm’s having a study party tonight.” She waved at J politely before walking away.

J couldn’t hate her either.

She hadn’t done anything wrong.

**What a sight for sore eyes**

**Brighter than a blue sky**

**She's got you mesmerized**

**While I die**

J was curled up on his bed, on top of the soft, fluffy comforter scrolling through old pictures on his phone, a bitter taste blossoming in his mouth as he saw himself and Sen laughing, doing stupid pranks together that had gotten them in several year’s worth of trouble. J’s bottom lip trembled as he turned off the phone, putting it on the bedside table and rolling over as tears streamed down his face, his shoulders shaking as he cried. He was being dumb and selfish; Sen shouldn’t have to be hurt just because J was a coward, but he was terrified of getting rejected. Heather was everything he wasn’t: smart, funny, pretty, mesmerizing… she was everything Sen ever wanted, and J was… J. He was dumb, he couldn’t make jokes, he was bad for himself and was only ever a burden on Sen. He shouldn’t be around Sen; no one like him should be around Sen. He wanted to cut ties with him completely, but he knew that would hurt Sen.

Not nearly as much as if he kept his secrets inside, though. Sen had always told him to take care of his feelings more; this was an opportunity to do that in a way. He could confess to Sen and explain himself, and if he got rejected, he could cut ties with him so that it wouldn’t be painful for J every time he saw the skeleton.

It didn’t seem like anything could go wrong.

**Why would you ever kiss me?**

**I'm not even half as pretty**

**You gave her your sweater**

**It's just polyester**

“Sen!” J shouted, desperately sprinting towards the skeleton. He stopped right behind him, reaching out a hand tentatively like he wanted to touch him, but J pulled it back, grabbing it in his other hand as if to make sure that it stayed put. “Sen, I… I need to talk to you.”

The skeleton turned around, his bone-brows raised as he stared at the boy in front of him. “Are you okay, J?” he asked, reaching out for the human-like boy.

“I’m fine,” J said, straightening up, hugging his chest like he thought he was about to split in half. “I… I’m sorry for the way things have been between us lately, I just…” he reached up, pulling at his hair with both fists as tears welled up in his eyes.

“Hey, you can tell me anything,” Sen said, getting on his knees and taking J’s face in his bony hands, gently brushing the tears from his eyes with his thumbs.

“I love you, okay?!?” J said, his face contorted into a look of anguish as he stared at Sen. “I love you so much that it hurts and I don’t know what to do about it because you’re happy with Heather and this is gonna make things bad and I was horrible for not telling you and hurting you and now I’m being horrible because I’m telling you and you’re gonna get hurt either way and I hate myself!” He touched Sen’s hands softly with his own, squeezing his eyes shut as his shoulders shook.

“You’re not horrible,” Sen said. “I don’t know what made you think you’re horrible, but you’re not. You’re far from horrible.” He pulled J into a hug, staring straight ahead and sighing softly.

“I’m sorry, Sen,” J sobbed, digging his nails into Sen’s back. “I’m so sorry, I’m so dumb for telling you this. It’s only going to make you feel bad.”

“It’s okay, J,” Sen murmured, raising his glowing eyes to the boy in front of him. “I’m the one that should be apologizing.” The corners of his mouth lifted up into a bitter sort of smile as he shrugged apologetically.

“For what?” J said, laughing as he cried, his eyes and horns dimmer than Sen had remembered them being. “You’re perfect, Sen. You can’t blame yourself for my mistakes.”

“It’s not your mistake, J,” Sen said, shaking his head. “It’s mine. I didn’t notice your feelings; in fact, I completely ignored them.” his smile turned into a frown as he looked down at the ground, sighing audibly. “I’m not good at taking other’s feelings into accountability, J. You know that, and you let yourself get hurt by me even though I don’t love you back.”

J froze for a moment, looking broken and lost as the tears came faster, a bitter and forced smile making its way onto his face. “Sorry,” he said, wiping futilely at his eyes, hiccuping. “I messed up, didn’t I? It always goes like this, you know,” he said, digging his nails into his palm.

“J, wait,” Sen said.

“You don’t have to do it,” J said, turning around. “You don’t need to say anything. I don’t need to listen to your excuses.” he laughed bitterly. “It’s not like anyone could actually love me anyway.”

“J, I”m sorry,” Sen said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t apologize for the way you feel, Sen,” J said, walking backwards away from Sen and his hand. “I don’t know why I ever thought anyone could love me in the first place.”

“J, don’t say that!” Sen called as J walked away, head hung low and shoulders shaking as he smiled bitterly.

Just before he was out of sight, he turned his head to take one last look at Sen. “You know it’s true, though,” he said under his breath, watching as the skeleton stared at him, looking lost. “You knew it from the moment we met.”

**But you like her better**

**I wish I were Heather**

It was a quiet night. It was spring now, and the sakura trees were in bloom, their pink petals covering the dimly lit courtyard, the lamps painted pink to celebrate sakura season. A warm breeze blew through the night, ruffling J’s hair. He stood on top of the tallest building of the school, his glowing eyes barely even glowing anymore. His horns were barely visible; his energy was running out.

It’d been over two months since he’d cut Sen off. Sen and Heather were still going strong; they were the envy of everyone in the school. No one wanted to be in Heather’s footsteps more than J.

The moon shone bright overhead, and J turned his face up to the sky, sighing as a small smile spread across his face. He hadn’t really envisioned his death when he was still friends with Sen; he’d just never had time to think about it because he was so busy hanging out with him. But now that his only friend was gone, and he had all of his time to himself… he had time to think about everything. Death, what would happen to Sen later in his life… so many things could happen.

But not to J.

He would fade, and be forgotten along with the rest of his kind.

**Wish I were Heather**

**(Oh, oh)**

**Wish I were Heather**

The moon was high overhead as the barely visible glow of J’s horns and eyes died out, his body swirling into a beam of light, joining the moon’s rays as nothing but a little bit of light, shining bright. No one would know what happened-- no one but Sen.

**Why would you ever kiss me?**

**I'm not even half as pretty**

**You gave her your sweater**

**It's just polyester**

**But you like her better**

**Wish I were**


End file.
